Gather around folks and pull up a chair, get comfortable and pay attention, because I would like to tell you a story about how easily people can jump to conclusion, think they know the situation, and allow their perception to become reality.
There was this young man, he was just 17, living in a rural community and going to a small high school. He was in the beginning semester of his senior year. He was quiet, an above average student, and he had a small group of very close friends. He wasn't involved in any of the school clubs or a member of any of the school teams. He was at school every day, he always did his work and turned in his classwork on time and his grades were above average.
There was a very small problem though, he arrived late to school almost every day of every week. He was always 20 to 30 minutes late and sometimes up to 45 minutes late. As you know most schools have rules that if you arrive late you are considered tardy, and 3 tardies are considered an absence. With those excessive number of tardy and absences adding up, this gets the attention of the administrators and soon the young man is served with a notice to appear before a meeting of the board of education.
The young man stands before the members of the board of education and it is explained by the high school administrator that he continually arrives late to school. The administrator asks the young man to explain himself, and states that if his classmates can make it on time so can he.
The young man spoke quietly but with determination. "Well, you see, I have things to do before I come to school, and I have trouble getting everything done and make it there on time."
One of the members stated that wasn't much of an explanation because everyone has things to do before they get to school. He asked what could he possibly have to do every day that would make him late.
"Well sir, I milk cows every day, morning and afternoon," replied the young man.
Another of the board members spoke up, "Maybe your father needs to be taking care of the morning milking so you can make it to school on time."
The young man replied, "My father passed away, and so did my mother. You see, I milk for a neighbor to make a living to take care of my grandparents."
At this time you could have heard a pin drop. Silence.
Finally, the administrator that brought the young man before the board for his absences asked, "You mean that you are late every morning because you are milking cows and you haven't told me this before?"
"Yes sir. I get up at 3:00 am each morning, get the cows in, milk, clean up, then go to school and yes I am sometimes late."
Everyone in the room was stunned. First, because the young man was doing the work and responsibility of an adult, and second, because he was standing there in trouble.
The chairman of the board quickly made the statement, "Young man, I want to commend you for being such a responsible adult. It is obvious that there has been a failure of communication and research into your situation. It is true that you need to be at school on time, however it's obvious that you are getting your work done, you are never absent, only late. I believe the school can make this work and waive this rule as long as you continue to keep your grades up and work turned in on time.
The young man thanked everyone, shook the hand of each member and left the room.
The administrator was then asked several questions about the situation, including why he didn't know the student was milking cows and working to provide income for his family. The administrator stumbled with his answer but soon confessed that he had not asked enough questions or actually visited the young man's home to learn of his very unique situation.
The administrators incorrect perception of a student just being lazy and getting to school late every day was reality for that administrator. He didn't think about there being another explanation so his incorrect perception became reality and led to the meeting with the board of education, without any research, questions, or a visit to the young man's home.
There are a few lessons in the story for everyone to learn in all walks of life. First, don't be so quick to judge and make assumptions because you probably don't know the whole story. Second, ask questions, and reach out to that person for answers before "taking them before the board". Third, and maybe the best lesson, be like the young man and refuse to argue or acknowledge ignorance.
You may be wondering if this is a true story, and the answer is yes, but it was a few decades ago. It is a story about a very responsible young man, and people assuming incorrectly and not taking the time to learn the facts.
Be a fact person. Don't assume anything, and know that there are probably more kids in our communities living a similar life. Be the person to lift up our youth, not knock them down when they are soaring.
For some reason this story came to mind today, and I'm not sure why, but the Marshall County High School shooting was this morning and I keep thinking about what everyone in that community has gone through today. I know this story has nothing remotely similar to that event but I believe my mind was led here because of the theme of not knowing the real story, not knowing what kids are going through, working daily, just trying to survive. My hope in writing this post is that it will help at least one person to realize they shouldn't condemn or assume any situation without knowing the full story.
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